Knowing How To Ask Your Husband

A big part of getting what you want from your husband is knowing how to ask him. By asking your husband nicely and giving him a reasonable time frame to get it done, you are more likely to get what you want.

Asking nicely taps into your husband’s love for you. If you have a healthy marriage and your husband loves you, he will want to do nice things for you. When you ask him to do something, you are letting him know something nice he can do for you. By giving your husband a reasonable time frame to get a chore done, you are letting him know up front when you hope it can be completed. This avoids the problem of your husband thinking he can take care of it next week when you want it done today. If your husband does not think he can complete the project in your time frame, he can let you know. That allows you to negotiate a time frame that is acceptable for both of you.

Consider two scenarios:

Wife, in frustration, says “What are you doing watching a baseball game. Will you look at our yard. It is a mess. You know my family is coming over tomorrow!”.

Husband thinks “I can’t have a moment of peace. Will you quit nagging me about the yard?”

Husband snaps back “I know the yard work needs to get done. I’ll take care of it later.”

Husband’s mood: Really bad

Wife says “Sweetheart, would you mind taking care of the yard this afternoon? I would like it to look nice when my family comes over tomorrow.”

Husband thinks “Not a fun job, but it needs to be done.”

Husband says “Okay. There are a few innings left in this baseball game. I’ll take care of the yard when it is over.”

Wife says “Thank you, Sweetheart” and gives him a kiss.

Husband’s mood: Really good

In the first scenario, the husband is so irritated that he can’t enjoy the rest of the baseball game and the wife doesn’t know if the yard work will ever get done. Neither one is happy. In the second scenario, the husband knows he is free to enjoy the rest of his baseball game and the wife knows the yard work will be taken care of when the baseball game is over. Both are happy and that is good for the health of their marriage.

Keeping Your Husband Motivated

An important part of getting what you want from your husband is keeping him highly motivated. Support your husband as much as possible as he works on your project and be liberal with praise.

In each of the following scenarios the husband is doing yard work alone in the hot sun:

Wife is inside relaxing on the couch and watching an Oprah rerun.

Husband is thinking “Why am I out here working while she is lying around?”

Husband’s motivation to continue: Very low

Wife comes out and thanks him for his hard work.

Husband is thinking “I am glad she appreciates all my hard work, but it would be nice if she helped.”

Husband’s motivation to continue: Pretty good

Wife brings him out a glass of lemonade.

Husband is thinking “Lemonade? I would have preferred ice tea. I guess she wants to make sure I keep working.”

Husband’s motivation to continue: Pretty good

Wife comes out, asks him if he would like something to drink. She leaves, returns with the drink of his choice.

Husband is thinking “Making that ice tea for me was very nice of her.”

Husband’s motivation to continue: Good

Wife comes out, gives him a kiss and thanks him for his hard work. She asks her husband if he would like something to drink. She leaves, returns with the drink of his choice and thanks him again.

Husband is thinking “She is so sweet. I love her so much.”

Husband’s motivation to continue: Very good

Wife comes out, gives him a kiss and thanks him for his hard work. She asks her husband if he would like something to drink. She leaves, returns with his drink and thanks him again. Wife asks her husband if he would like for her to make his favorite dinner. While her husband finishes the yard work, the wife makes his favorite dinner.

Husband is thinking “I love working out in the yard.”

Husband’s motivation to continue: Very high

Your loving encouragement gives him positive feedback. He knows he is doing what you want and your loving encouragement helps your husband to stay on task.

Reward Your Husband For A Job Well Done

The most important step to getting more of what you want from your husband is expressing your appreciation and rewarding him for a job well done.

In each of the following scenarios the husband has told his wife he just finished removing a tree she didn’t like from the yard.

Wife sitting on the couch, looks up from her book and says “Great, now all you need to do is trim the hedges, clean out the gutters and clean up the garage.”

Husband thinking “You have got to be kidding me. You are never satisfied, are you?”.

Husband’s mood: Very Bad

Wife sitting on the couch, without looking up from her book says “Thanks.”

Husband thinking “After all that work you can’t look up from your book to say “thank you?” Removing that tree was a huge waste of my time.”

Husband’s mood: Bad

Wife sitting on the couch. She gets up and gives him a big kiss and hug. The wife says “Thank you for removing that tree for me! I really hated that thing. It was such an eye sore. I really appreciate you going to all that trouble to take it out for me. Why don’t you wash up and I will take you out to dinner at your favorite restaurant! Would you like that?”.

Husband thinking “I love how sweet, loving and affectionate she is. I am glad I could take care of that tree for her.”

Husband’s mood: Great

As the above scenarios demonstrate, the more recognition and loving appreciation your husband receives for his efforts the better he is going to feel about the time and effort he invested in the task. Being liberal with praise doesn’t cost anything and richly rewarding him for his hard work is a small price to pay for getting what you want from your husband.