Communicating With Your eHarmony Matches

When you are responding to a eHarmony match, remember that your session may timeout if you stay on one page too long. If you anticipate it might take you awhile to answer a question, you may want to consider composing your response in a text editor such as Windows® Notepad®. When you are finished, you can copy the answer from the text editor and paste it into the appropriate response box in eHarmony.

Choosing The Multiple Choice Questions To Ask

I think some of the multiple-choice questions can be threatening to a man (For example: If you were to marry, how many children would be ideal? or How do you feel about premarital sex?). I think some other questions give a hint to what kind of baggage someone is carrying around (Such as: If you had to characterize the end of most of your romantic relationships, they would be described as...). In my opinion, those are not the type of questions you would ask someone you just met. The multiple-choice questions are not a point that you want to try to put a man on the spot. I think you should shoot for idle chit- chat type questions and certainly questions that you yourself have a nice answer for (Do you enjoy romance? Most definitely!). Think of it as questions that you might ask a man on a first date.

I think it is fine to ask the same multiple-choice questions of all your matches, but be sure to read their eHarmony profiles. If a man says in his profile that he loves going to Hawaii, don't you ask about where he would want to go on a dream getaway. Pick another question for him. When you get to the short answer questions, ask him what he enjoys doing on his trips to Hawaii. That is a non-threatening question that he would probably love to tell you about and it shows you are paying attention.

Never Use A Multiple-Choice Answer

Your match will also have an opportunity to ask you a set of multiple choice questions. With each multiple choice question there is option “E”, which is to create your own short answer. To make your answer seem more personal, always, always, always take option “E” and give your own short answer. It gives you an opportunity to show some of your personality and possibly your sense of humor. It also gives you a chance to quickly explain the reason for your answer, thus telling him more about you.

Save Your Answers

The chances are that in your time at eHarmony you are going to be asked the same question by more than one match. When you are initially asked a question, give it some thought and give a good, honest answer. When you are done, cut and paste both the question and the answer into a text file. Add your all your answers to your text file, particularly for the open-ended questions. Should you be asked the question again, you have your answer ready. Copy the text of the answer from your text file and paste your answer into the appropriate response box in eHarmony.

Refresh Your Memory Before Responding

Having a number of matches to juggle can get confusing. While your matches probably assume that you have other matches that you are communicating with, your matches probably don’t need the reminder. Confusing one match with another is not helpful. At best, it is not going to make him feel particularly special. At worst, he may feel that you are not taking the match seriously. To avoid that, I would suggest that you review a man’s profile and your correspondence with him before writing or talking with him. It will help you make the best of your e-mail exchanges and phone calls and may just help you avoid an uncomfortable moment.

Consider Creating Your Own Open-Ended Questions

When it comes time to ask a set of open-ended questions, you should try to avoid just selecting from eHarmony’s list. If you are the first to ask the open-ended questions, consider asking him a question that you want him to ask you. If you are well traveled, ask him about the most interesting places he has traveled to. If you have had some interesting life experiences, ask him what is the most interesting thing about him. You may also tailor your question to his profile or the questions he asked you.

Shut Off New Matches

From time to time, you may be a bit overwhelmed by the number of matches you currently have. If you do not have the time to take on additional eHarmony matches, turn off your search for new matches. You can do this by selecting the “My Settings” tab, under “Matching Choices” click the option “No, please do not send me new matches until I say otherwise” and hit the “Save Changes” button. Now you may think that turning off your matches does not make sense, actually it makes a lot of sense. What you are doing is preserving your chances to pursue the matches sometime in the future. Let’s say you invest a lot of time and energy into one particular man and things do not work out. You may be left feeling a bit disappointed. If that happens, you can turn on your search for new matches, start receiving new matches and move on to new possibilities.

Be Open Minded

Try to approach each one of your matches with an open mind. I would suspect many of the pictures posted on eHarmony don’t do the men justice. The pictures I posted on eHarmony weren’t the best, they were just the best I had. My girlfriend never did post a picture. I never asked her for a picture. I assumed she was either pretty confident of her looks or she was setting herself up for a lot of disappointment. I didn’t see her until our first date. I kept an open mind and I was not disappointed. In your heart of hearts, you probably long to love and be loved. If you think about it, love does not require a certain age, a certain height, a certain job or a certain income. Try to approach all of your eHarmony matches with an open mind.

Take Things Slow

There are no guarantees that all the men that eHarmony matches you up with will be gentlemen. I am sure you have heard some online dating horror stories. I would suggest your goal should be for your relationship with your eHarmony matches to grow slowly over time, but with steady progress. If the relationship moves along too quickly, you may not feel completely comfortable with him when you finally meet. If the relationship does not show steady progress, your match may feel the relationship is going nowhere and he may give up on you. With that in mind, here are some suggestions:

  1. Never request FastTrack. Take your time and go through all the communication steps.
  2. Once you are in open communication, don’t hit him with a barrage of personal questions. Start with idle chitchat and let it progress naturally from there.
  3. Once you are in open communication, exchange a few e-mails before you talk on the phone. I would wait for him to suggest a phone call. When he does, tell him you do not give out your phone number, but if he trusts you with his phone number, you would enjoy chatting with him.
  4. Talk on the phone for a while before you agree to meet him. Take the time to get to know him better over the phone.
  5. Let things progress at a rate you are comfortable with. You will only be able to let your true self shine through when you feel comfortable and safe.