Controlling Your eHarmony Search

You can modify your eHarmony search criteria by clicking the “My Settings” tab in eHarmony. My suggestions for this are as follows:

1. Matching Choices
Until you have finished your profile, posted your pictures and are ready to receive new matches, I would turn off your search for new matches. This can be done by selecting “No, please do not send me new matches until I say otherwise” under Matching Choices.

2. My City
The city listed in your profile is taken from the billing address for your credit card. If you live in a small town that no one has ever heard of, you might want to change the city listed for you to the nearest significant town. You might also consider listing the city you work in since that may be a convenient place for you to meet your matches after work.

3. My Zip/Postal Code
When you set the maximum distance for eHarmony to search for matches, your zip code determines the starting point for your search. They use the zip code you entered for your credit card billing address, as the default. Why would you want to change it? If you live some distance outside a major metropolitan area, you may miss being matched with the men there. Why? If he set his search for 30 miles and you are 35 miles out of town, the two of you will never be matched by eHarmony. On the other hand, if you change the zip code to one only 25 miles out of town, you will be matched with men in that town. You might also consider giving the zip code of the city you work in since you spend a significant amount of time in the area.

4. My Country
Select the country you live in from the pull down menu.

5. How far are you willing to search to find your life-long love?
I would suggest you initially select “In my metropolitan area (within 60 mi/100 km)”. If you aren’t getting enough matches, you can always go back and increase the search distance later.

6. With which of the following religions, if any, do you affiliate yourself?
I would suggest initially limiting your search to the religious faiths that most closely match your own.

8. Would you be willing to accept a partner who has children 18 years old or younger living full time in their home?
If there is any question in your mind on this, I would suggest you select “No”. While children are a blessing, they also complicate romantic relationships. You not only have to love and accept a man, but you also have to love and accept his children. It is a package deal.

9. Choose the category that best describes your highest level of education.
Be honest.

10. What is your ethnicity?
If you have a mixed racial background, I would select the entry that you most closely identify yourself with. Selecting “Other” is vague and may result in fewer matches.

11. Which ethnicities would you be willing to accept as matches?
Select all the ethnicities that may be appealing to you.

12. How much do you smoke?
Be honest.  

13. Would you marry someone that smokes?
If there is any question in your mind on this, I would suggest you select “No”.

14. How much do you drink?
Be honest.

15. Would you marry someone that drinks?
If there is any question in your mind on this, I would suggest you select “Yes”. Most people at least occasionally have an alcoholic drink.

16. Aside from any children you or your new partner may already have, would you like to start a new family by having or adopting a baby?
If there is any question in your mind on this, I would suggest you select “Maybe”.

17. Your age is…
This is where you can specify the age range for your matches. eHarmony automatically sets the age range for your matches from about 10% younger than you are to about 25% older. In the past, you could only expand the age range from that point. Now eHarmony allows you to update your match settings with your own age range as long as the difference between the minimum and maximum age is at least six years. This was a change that had been asked for, particularly from the woman members, for quite some time. My suggestion is that you set an age range that you are comfortable with. You can always expand it later. I personally think you should try to keep an open mind and not reduce the age range default for your age. Why? Members of my own family are represented at the age difference extremes suggested by eHarmony and they are quite happily married. Always try to keep an open mind.

Don’t Forget To Save Your Changes

The changes to your match settings are not saved until you click the “Save Changes” button.

Expanding Your Search

The options I have suggested for your search criteria will limit your matches. I have two reasons for this:

  1. The eHarmony communication process can be time consuming. I don’t want you to be overwhelmed by matches. This could lead you to prematurely close out men early on in your search.
  2. I don’t want you matched with anyone that you will not approach with an open mind.

After a little time on eHarmony, I suspect you will decide to expand the parameters of your search. That is great, but my hope is that you put some thought into the decision.

E-Mail Settings

You can modify your e-mail settings by clicking the “My Settings” tab and then the “Email Settings” tab in eHarmony. My only suggestion is that you make sure the “Special Offers” box is checked so that you will receive special offers for eHarmony membership.

Sharing Settings

You can specify your parameters for sharing your pictures and personality profile by clicking the “My Settings” tab and then the “Sharing Settings” tab in eHarmony.

  1. Make my photos available to my matches…
    Unless you have privacy concerns, I would suggest that you select the option “at the beginning before communication begins”. This will allow your matches to view your pictures immediately. That way, if a man is communicating with you, he has at least initially signed off on your looks. This keeps you from investing a lot of time on someone who will close out the match the second you share your picture with him. Once you both have seen pictures, you can concentrate on seeing if you have similar interests, values and you enjoy one another’s company.
  2. If my match does not have a photo on file with eHarmony, I would like to…
    I would suggest that you select the option “share my photos with all my matches”. If you have good pictures posted, sharing your pictures is to your advantage.

Personality Profile Sharing

I would suggest that you select the option “Select individually”. I think it is just way too easy to read things into your personality profile. You can always decide to share your personality profile with a match when you get to open communication.