New eHarmony Matches

One of the disheartening things about eHarmony is that not everyone is timely in their responses.  If you take your sweet time getting back to someone, you are sending the not so subtle message that responding to him is not particularly important to you.  A prompt response conveys interest.  During your search for love on eHarmony, I would suggest you get into the habit of checking your e-mail, at least once a day.  This will allow you to promptly respond to new matches and correspondence from matches that you are in various stages of communication with.  I would suggest that you try to reply to your matches within 24 hours, or at worst 36 hours.  That will allow you to stay fresh in their mind and not allow them get discouraged.

Non-Member Matches

Unfortunately, not all of your eHarmony matches will be with current paying members.  Is that fair?  Well, yes and no.  You have been matched with a man based on their criteria.  Can he respond to your requests for communication?  Yes, but to do so he will have to become a member.  In fact matches are what eHarmony uses to entice people to join.  Non- members can close out or put matches on hold, but eHarmony now limits non-members to 6 new matches.  That means a non-member can only be non-responsive to 6 matches.  An incomplete profile and no pictures posted are clues that you may have been matched with a non-member.  A non-member can also be someone who let their subscription to the service lapse without turning off their search for new matches.  While never getting a response to your request for communication is disappointing, I am not sure that being matched to a non-member is such a bad thing.  If you seem like an interesting match, he may well become a member to at least take a peak at any pictures you posted.  The important thing to remember is non-members are out there and you often will not hear anything back from them.

Match Profiles Without Pictures

Many times your new matches will not have pictures posted.  If it is clear from the profile that you have different interests or values, close out the match.  If you have some interest and you have your pictures posted, I would suggest you place him on hold with the option “Because there are no photos posted/I couldn't see any photos”.  You can check his profile for pictures in a week or two.  If he is serious about using eHarmony, he will post a picture.  If a few weeks go by and he hasn’t posted a picture, I would suggest closing out the match.

Act On Your New Matches

When you receive a new match, carefully read the profile and view his pictures if they are available.  If there is no possibility for a relationship, go ahead and close out the match.  If the profile wasn’t complete enough to decide, you can place him on hold stating that his profile was incomplete.  If he is interested in seriously pursuing a relationship on eHarmony, he will update his profile.  You can revisit his profile from time to time.  If he updates the profile, he has probably decided to become a member.  If he hasn’t updated the profile after several weeks, he probably isn’t serious about getting started in eHarmony and I would close out the match.  Some women do not think it is proper for a woman to initiate contact.  Personally, I always found it flattering when a woman initiated communication with me.  If you think a match has possibilities, my suggestion is to wait a few days to see if he requests communication or closes out the match.  After three or four days, if he hasn’t closed out the match, I would suggest requesting communication.  Requesting communication tells a man two things, first that you are a paying member and second that you think that there maybe potential for a relationship.    

Placing Matches On Hold

Placing matches on hold can be a pretty touchy subject.  In general, if you want to preserve the option to pursue a match with someone, I would do everything I could do to try to avoid putting him on hold.  When you put a match on hold, you are basically telling him that he is not your top priority.  If you put a man on hold, it could put him off and he could end up closing out the match all together.  It is something to keep in mind.

Be Optimistic

Sometime during your eHarmony experience you will probably get discouraged.  Don’t let yourself get bitter or cynical, that is not going to be attractive to anyone.  In your profile and all your communications, be lighted hearted and optimistic. 

Be Very Careful About Closing Out Your Matches

If you are matched with someone that you think may have potential, you may send him a request for communication and then you wait.  eHarmony suggests closing any matches that you don’t hear back from in two weeks.  When I was on eHarmony, I would close out a match if I didn’t hear back in 14 days.  If I thought the person was not an active member (incomplete profile, no picture), I would close them out after 7 days.  I was particularly intrigued by one woman’s profile and I sent her a request for communication.  I waited and waited for a response.  Despite the fact that she had not posted a picture, I was convinced that she was a member.  Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to hear back from her, but I kept the match open anyway.  As it turned out, she had just started a new job.  She had been discouraged with her results from eHarmony, but when a guy, with a very nice smile, requested communication, she decided to give it one more try.  On the 12th day, she responded… and we have been together ever since.  We have often pondered how different life would be if I hadn’t been as patient or she had taken longer to respond.  The moral of the story is to be patient and try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Consider Giving Someone A Nudge

eHarmony now allows you to send a “nudge” to matches that have been unresponsive for at least seven days.  If you haven’t received a response to your request for communication in 14 days, take another look at his profile.  If you still are interested in communicating with him, rather than closing him out, give him a nudge.  If he doesn’t get back to you within a week of the nudge, I would close out the match and concentrate on your other matches.