eHarmony - Communicating With Your Matches
Communicating With Your eHarmony Matches
When you are responding to an eHarmony match, remember that your session may timeout if you stay on one page
too long. If you anticipate it might take you awhile to answer a question, you may want to consider composing
your response in a text editor such as Windows® Notepad®. When you are finished, you can copy the answer from
the text editor and paste it into the appropriate response box in eHarmony.
Choosing The Multiple Choice Questions To Ask Your Matches
I think some of the eHarmony multiple-choice questions can be threatening to a woman (For example: If you were to marry, how many children would be ideal?). I think some other questions give a hint to what kind of baggage someone is carrying around (Such as: If you had to characterize the end of most of your romantic relationships, they would be described as...). In my opinion, those are not the type of questions you would ask someone you just met. The multiple-choice questions are not a point that you want to put a woman on her guard. I think you should shoot for idle chit-chat type questions and certainly questions that you yourself have a nice answer for (Do you enjoy romance? Most definitely!). Think of it as questions that you might ask a woman on a first date.
I think it is fine to ask the same multiple-choice questions of all your eHarmony matches, but be sure to
read their profiles. If a woman says in her profile that her dream is to someday visit Paris, don't you
ask about where she would want to go on a dream getaway. Pick another question for her. When you get to the
short answer questions, ask her what draws her to Paris. That is a non-threatening question that she would probably
love to tell you about and it shows you are paying attention.
Never Use A Multiple-Choice Answer
When you first start communication with a eHarmony match, you are asked to answer a set of multiple choice
questions. With each multiple choice question there is option “E”, which is to create your own short answer.
To make your answer seem more personal, always, always, always take option “E” and give your own short answer.
It gives you an opportunity to show some of your personality and possibly your sense of humor. It also gives
you a chance to quickly explain the reason for your answer, thus telling her more about you.
Save Your Answers
The chances are that in your time at eHarmony you are going to be asked the same question by more than one
woman. When you are initially asked a question, give it some thought and give a good, honest answer. When you
are done, cut and paste both the question and the answer into a text file. Add your all your answers to your
text file, particularly for the open-ended questions. Should you be asked the question again, you have your
answer ready. Copy the text of the answer from your text file and paste your answer into the appropriate response
box in eHarmony.
Refresh Your Memory Before Responding To A Match
Having a number of eHarmony
matches to juggle can get confusing. While your eHarmony matches probably assume that you have other matches
that you are communicating with, your matches probably don’t need the reminder. At best, it is not going to
make her feel particularly special. At worst, she may feel that you are a “player” that is not taking the match
seriously. Confusing her with another one of your eHarmony matches is not helpful. To avoid that, I would suggest
that you review a woman’s profile and your correspondence with her before writing or talking with her. It will
help you make the best of your e-mail exchanges and phone calls and may just help you avoid an uncomfortable
Consider Creating Your Own Open-Ended Questions
When it comes time to ask a set of open-ended questions, you should try to avoid just selecting from eHarmony’s
list. If you are the first to ask the open-ended questions, consider asking her a question that you want her
to ask you. If you are well traveled, ask her about the most interesting places she has traveled to. If you
have had some interesting life experiences, ask her what is the most interesting thing about her. You may also
tailor your question to her
or the questions she asked you.
Shut Off New eHarmony Matches
From time to time, you may be a bit overwhelmed by the number of eHarmony matches you currently have. If
you do not have the time to take on additional eHarmony matches, turn off your search for new matches. You can
do this by selecting the “My Settings” tab, under “Matching Choices” click the option “No, please do not send
me new matches until I say otherwise” and hit the “Save Changes” button. Now you may think that turning off
your matches does not make sense, actually it makes a lot of sense. What you are doing is preserving your chances
to pursue the matches sometime in the future. Let’s say you invest a lot of time and energy into one particular
woman and things do not work out. You may be left feeling a bit disappointed. If that happens, you can turn
on your search for new matches, start receiving new matches and move on to new possibilities.
Be Open Minded
Try to approach each one of your eHarmony matches with an open mind. I would suspect many of the pictures
posted on eHarmony don’t do the women justice. The pictures I posted on eHarmony weren’t the best, they were
just the best I had. My girlfriend never did post a picture. I never asked her for a picture. I assumed she
was either pretty confident of her looks or she was setting herself up for a lot of disappointment. I didn’t
see her until our first date. I kept an open mind and I was not disappointed.
Unfortunately, the women that eHarmony matches you up with may have had some bad experiences with online
dating. If they have not, I can guarantee they have heard stories. If you want to increase your chances for
success, you must be sensitive to her need for security. How do you do that?
- Never request FastTrack. Requesting FastTrack is a great way to come across as impatient. Take your
time and go through all the eHarmony communication steps.
- Don’t send her your phone number or e-mail address before you are in open communication. Again, you
come across as impatient.
- Once you are in open communication, don’t hit her with a barrage of personal questions. Start with idle
chitchat and let it progress naturally from there.
- Once you are in open communication, don’t immediately ask to talk on the phone. It will happen when
she is comfortable.
- Don’t immediately ask to meet her. You will come across as pushy and you are much more likely to get
- Let things progress at a rate she is comfortable with. The only chance you ever have of her opening
up to you is when you make her feel comfortable and safe.
- Tell her you want her to be comfortable and that you will be happy to have her share things with you
at her own speed. Never press her for an answer, when she wants you to know, she will tell you.
- Be open with her. Ask her what she would like to know about you. As you open up to her, she will likely
open up to you.
- When she is ready to talk on the phone, offer her your phone number. That will allow her to rest easy that you will not be calling her if your attention is no longer welcome.