New eHarmony Matches

One of the disheartening things about eHarmony is that not everyone is timely in their responses.  If you take your sweet time getting back to your eHarmony matches, you are sending the not so subtle message that responding to her is not particularly important to you.  A prompt response conveys interest.  During your search for love on eHarmony, I would suggest you get into the habit of checking your e-mail, at least once a day.  This will allow you to promptly respond to new eHarmony matches and correspondence from matches that you are in various stages of communication with.  I would suggest that you try to reply to your eHarmony matches within 24 hours, or at worst 36 hours.  That will allow you to stay fresh in their mind and not allow them get discouraged.

eHarmony Non-Member Matches

Unfortunately, not all of your new eHarmony matches will be with current paying members.  Is that fair?  Well, yes and no.  You have been matched with a woman based on their criteria.  Can she respond to your requests for communication?  Yes, but to do so she will have to become a member.  In fact new matches are what eHarmony uses to entice people to join.  Non-members can close out or put new matches on hold, but eHarmony now limits non-members to 6 new matches.  That means a non-member can only be non-responsive to 6 matches.  An incomplete profile and no pictures posted are clues that you may have been matched with a non-member.  A non-member can also be someone who let their subscription to the service lapse without turning off their search for new matches.  While never getting a response to your request for communication is disappointing, I am not sure that being matched to a non-member is such a bad thing.  If you seem like an interesting match, she may well become a member to at least take a peak at any pictures you posted.  The important thing to remember is non-members are out there and you often will not hear anything back from them.

New eHarmony Matches Without Pictures

Many times your new matches will not have pictures posted.  If it is clear from their eHarmony profile that you have different interests or values, close out the match.  If not, request communication and see where it goes.  Don’t assume that a woman is unattractive just because she hasn’t posted a picture.  I would suggest that less attractive women are actually more likely to post their picture.  That helps her avoid the disappointment of finally sharing her picture, only to have the guy immediately close her out.  She may not have posted a picture because she doesn’t have a nice digital picture of herself.  She may not have a recent picture that she likes.  She could be interested in getting to know her eHarmony matches before she shares her pictures.  She could be quite attractive and not want guys pursuing her just because of her looks.  Frankly, not posting a picture is a quick way for her to quickly get rid of those guys.  So my suggestion is to pursue any matches that seem interesting, regardless of whether they have a picture posted.

Initiate, Close Or Place On Hold Your New Matches

When you receive a new match, carefully read the profile and view her pictures if they are available.  If there is no possibility for a relationship, go ahead and close out the match.  If the profile wasn’t complete enough to decide, you can place her on hold stating that her profile was incomplete.  If she is interested in seriously pursuing a relationship on eHarmony, she will update her profile.  You can revisit her profile from time to time.  If she updates the profile, she has probably decided to become a member.  If she hasn’t updated the profile after several weeks, she probably isn’t serious about getting started in eHarmony and I would close out the match.  If you think a match has possibilities, you definitely want to initiate contact.  Some women do not think it is proper for a woman to initiate contact.  By requesting communication, you avoid that problem.  Requesting communication tells a woman two things, first that you are a paying member and second that you think that there maybe potential for a relationship.  Whether you close out a match, place them on hold or request communication, try to take prompt action on all your new matches.

Placing eHarmony Matches On Hold

Placing matches on hold can be a pretty touchy subject.  In general, if you want to preserve the option to pursue a match with someone, I would do everything I could do to try to avoid putting her on hold.  When you put an eHarmony match on hold, you are basically telling her that she is not your top priority.  If you put a woman on hold, it could put her off and she could end up closing out the match all together.  It is something to keep in mind.

Picky Women

You will probably come across some pretty picky women.  They want a man to be a certain height, have a certain job or make a certain amount of money.  Invariably, she will find something “wrong” with you.  As life goes on and she is still alone maybe she will learn that life requires a little flexibility.

Be Optimistic

Sometime during your eHarmony experience you will probably get discouraged.  Don’t let yourself get bitter or cynical, that is not going to be attractive to anyone.  In your profile and all your communications, be lighted hearted and optimistic. 

Be Very Careful About Closing Out Your Matches

If you are matched with someone that you think may have potential, you send her a request for communication and then you wait.  eHarmony suggests closing any matches that you don’t hear back from in two weeks.  When I was on eHarmony, I would close out a match if I didn’t hear back in 14 days.  If I thought the person was not an active member (incomplete profile, no picture), I would close them out after 7 days.  I was particularly intrigued by one woman’s profile and I sent her a request for communication.  I waited and waited for a response.  Despite the fact that she had not posted a picture, I was convinced that she was a member.  Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to hear back from her, but I kept the match open anyway.  As it turned out, she had just started a new job.  She had been discouraged with her results from eHarmony, but when a guy, with a very nice smile, requested communication, she decided to give it one more try.  On the 12th day, she responded… and we have been together ever since.  We have often pondered how different life would be if I hadn’t been as patient or she had taken longer to respond.  The moral of the story is to be patient and try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Consider Giving Someone A Nudge

eHarmony now allows you to send a “nudge” to matches that have been unresponsive for at least seven days.  If you haven’t received a response to your request for communication in 14 days, take another look at her profile.  If you still are interested in communicating with her, rather than closing her out, give her a nudge.  If she doesn’t get back to you within a week of the nudge, I would close out the match and concentrate on your other matches.