eHarmony - New Matches
New eHarmony Matches
One of the disheartening things about eHarmony is that not everyone is timely in their responses. If you
take your sweet time getting back to your eHarmony matches, you are sending the not so subtle message that responding
to her is not particularly important to you. A prompt response conveys interest. During your search for love
on eHarmony, I would suggest you get into the habit of checking your e-mail, at least once a day. This will
allow you to promptly respond to new eHarmony matches and correspondence from matches that you are in various
stages of communication with. I would suggest that you try to reply to your eHarmony matches within 24 hours,
or at worst 36 hours. That will allow you to stay fresh in their mind and not allow them get discouraged.
eHarmony Non-Member Matches
Unfortunately, not all of your new eHarmony matches will be with current paying members. Is that fair? Well,
yes and no. You have been matched with a woman based on their criteria. Can she respond to your requests for
communication? Yes, but to do so she will have to become a member. In fact new matches are what eHarmony uses
to entice people to join. Non-members can close out or put new matches on hold, but eHarmony now limits non-members
to 6 new matches. That means a non-member can only be non-responsive to 6 matches. An incomplete profile and
no pictures posted are clues that you may have been matched with a non-member. A non-member can also be someone
who let their subscription to the service lapse without turning off their search for new matches. While never
getting a response to your request for communication is disappointing, I am not sure that being matched to a
non-member is such a bad thing. If you seem like an interesting match, she may well become a member to at least
take a peak at any pictures you posted. The important thing to remember is non-members are out there and you
often will not hear anything back from them.
New eHarmony Matches Without Pictures
Many times your new matches will not have pictures posted. If it is clear from their
that you have different interests or values, close out the match. If not, request communication and see where
it goes. Donít assume that a woman is unattractive just because she hasnít posted a picture. I would suggest
that less attractive women are actually more likely to post their picture. That helps her avoid the disappointment
of finally sharing her picture, only to have the guy immediately close her out. She may not have posted a picture
because she doesnít have a nice digital picture of herself. She may not have a recent picture that she likes.
She could be interested in getting to know her eHarmony matches before she shares her pictures. She could be
quite attractive and not want guys pursuing her just because of her looks. Frankly, not posting a picture is
a quick way for her to quickly get rid of those guys. So my suggestion is to pursue any matches that seem interesting,
regardless of whether they have a picture posted.
Initiate, Close Or Place On Hold Your New Matches
When you receive a new match, carefully read the profile and view her pictures if they are available. If
there is no possibility for a relationship, go ahead and close out the match. If the profile wasnít complete
enough to decide, you can place her on hold stating that her profile was incomplete. If she is interested in
seriously pursuing a relationship on eHarmony, she will update her profile. You can revisit her profile from
time to time. If she updates the profile, she has probably decided to become a member. If she hasnít updated
the profile after several weeks, she probably isnít serious about getting started in eHarmony and I would close
out the match. If you think a match has possibilities, you definitely want to initiate contact. Some women do
not think it is proper for a woman to initiate contact. By requesting communication, you avoid that problem.
Requesting communication tells a woman two things, first that you are a paying member and second that you think
that there maybe potential for a relationship. Whether you close out a match, place them on hold or request
communication, try to take prompt action on all your new matches.
Placing eHarmony Matches On Hold
Placing matches on hold can be a pretty touchy subject. In general, if you want to preserve the option to
pursue a match with someone, I would do everything I could do to try to avoid putting her on hold. When you
put an eHarmony match on hold, you are basically telling her that she is not your top priority. If you put a
woman on hold, it could put her off and she could end up closing out the match all together. It is something
to keep in mind.
You will probably come across some pretty picky women. They want a man to be a certain height, have a certain
job or make a certain amount of money. Invariably, she will find something ďwrongĒ with you. As life goes on
and she is still alone maybe she will learn that life requires a little flexibility.
Sometime during your eHarmony experience you will probably get discouraged. Donít let yourself get bitter
or cynical, that is not going to be attractive to anyone. In your profile and all your communications, be lighted
hearted and optimistic.
Be Very Careful About Closing Out Your Matches
If you are matched with someone that you think may have potential, you send her a request for communication
and then you wait. eHarmony suggests closing any matches that you donít hear back from in two weeks. When I
was on eHarmony, I would close out a match if I didnít hear back in 14 days. If I thought the person was not
an active member (incomplete profile, no picture), I would close them out after 7 days. I was particularly intrigued
by one womanís profile and I sent her a request for communication. I waited and waited for a response. Despite
the fact that she had not posted a picture, I was convinced that she was a member. Eventually, I came to the
conclusion that I wasnít going to hear back from her, but I kept the match open anyway. As it turned out, she
had just started a new job. She had been discouraged with her results from eHarmony, but when a guy, with a
very nice smile, requested communication, she decided to give it one more try. On the 12th day, she respondedÖ
and we have been together ever since. We have often pondered how different life would be if I hadnít been as
patient or she had taken longer to respond. The moral of the story is to be patient and try to give people the
benefit of the doubt.
Consider Giving Someone A Nudge
eHarmony now allows you to send a ďnudgeĒ to matches that have been unresponsive for at least seven days. If you havenít received a response to your request for communication in 14 days, take another look at her profile. If you still are interested in communicating with her, rather than closing her out, give her a nudge. If she doesnít get back to you within a week of the nudge, I would close out the match and concentrate on your other matches.