Open Communication In eHarmony

Once you have reached eHarmony open communication with one of your matches, you can freely e-mail one another through eHarmony's system.  I would suggest that you consider composing your eHarmony e-mail messages on a text editor.  It can be very frustrating to invest a lot of time on an e-mail message, only to lose your work because your eHarmony session timed out. 

Wait For Her

If you want your eHarmony experience to be successful, you are going to have to learn to be patient.  The woman of your dreams is likely not going to be your first match.  When you request communication with your matches, they are not generally going to answer back in 5 minutes.  If a match responds to your request for communication, you are probably not going to get to open communication in the next hour.  Everything in eHarmony takes time.  You should adopt a long-term point of view.  Your best chance of success is if a woman feels cared for, comfortable and safe.  The way to give you the best chance for that to happen is to let her be in the driver’s seat.  Let her decide when she wants to share her picture with you.  You can mention you would like to see a picture of her when she is ready, but don’t push it.  She may be slow to share things with you.  You have to patiently wait her out.  She will only appreciate you more for that.  When you want to talk to her on the phone, let her know that you are willing to give her your number when she is ready.  When you are ready to meet her, let her know you are ready when she is.  At each step of the way let her decide when it is time to take the next step.

Giving Out Your Personal Information

One of the wonderful things about eHarmony open communication is your ability to stay anonymous for a period of time while you consider the potential for a relationship.  When you start communicating outside of eHarmony open communication, you should be mindful of the fact that you are likely to lose that anonymity.  If you give out a listed phone number, it is very easy to use that information on the Internet to find out:

  • your name
  • your approximate age
  • your address
  • past addresses
  • addresses of any property you may own
  • the name of an ex-wife
  • the names of anyone you may be living with

All that and without paying a penny!  If you send someone an e-mail that includes your last name, they can find a listed phone number, plus all the information above.  Here are a few pointers on maintaining your privacy beyond eHarmony open communication:

Don’t give out a listed phone number

You may want a match to initially only call you on your cell phone.

Use *67

If you enter *67 before dialing a telephone number, it will block your information from coming up on a caller ID unit.

Use An Anonymous E-Mail Account

If you decide to e-mail each other outside of eHarmony open communication, be careful what e-mail address you give out.  If you give out a work e-mail address, that may give away your last name and the company you work for.  If you give out your home e-mail address, it may be set up to list your first and last name in the “From:” field.  I would suggest you open a free Yahoo!® Mail or Hotmail® account. When you fill out the e-mail account application, don’t provide your correct last name.  Type in something descriptive in the last name field such as “The Romantic”.  If your name is Joe, your e-mail will show as from “Joe The Romantic”.

If She Is Happy To Stay in eHarmony Open Communication For Months

Needless to say there is a limit to everyone’s patience.  You did not join eHarmony to be someone’s pen pal.  You can have a reasonable expectation that the relationship with your match should develop with time.  If you do not see that happening, you might bring it up with her.  She may share that she had a bad experience and now is cautious.  That is reasonable, but it can be taken to extremes.  Your ultimate goal is to transition from eHarmony open communication to a face-to-face relationship.  If you don’t see that happening in a reasonable amount of time, she just may be too damaged.  I would tell her it was nice to get to know her, but the relationship does not seem to be progressing and it is important to you to find someone to share your life with in the real world.